Always Show Up, Rarely Arrive

It was Hawaii, surrounded by beauty I didn’t see, but felt instead. I was there for a rigorous yoga intensive training and sitting under the stars at rustic chic picnic tables I finally understood something the guru had said as he first entered the room three days ago. He was silent, but powerfully electric and he just remained as he’d entered, silent for a wonderfully unusual amount of time. Sitting on a wooden stool, he looked at this group of people before him, much like groups he’d seen before and eventually he smiled, and as soon as it curled his lips upward they were back blankly studying us studying him. “Welcome” he said. We remained silent. “I’m pleased to see you’ve all found your way here. But you’re only here once youve truly arrived”. With that he stood up and walked out of the studio. We all looked slowly at the strangers around us looking for explanations we knew no one would have. In the three days from this statement I’m back at the picnic table- physically exhausted in a way no words could describe. Mentally exhausted after participating (every night after 12 hours of hot yoga) in the most powerfully honest soul searching rituals I’d ever been a part of. The fish on the plate in front of me was delicious and the pesto sauce drizzled on top was life altering. Then, in that moment, focused on nothing at all besides the pesto it hit me. My mind was silent. silent. I was breathing, and I was living and I was free. In that moment I knew freedom from all the chaos and repetitive monotony that had been cycling in my brain since birth. I put my fork down and I smiled. The people around me didn’t ask, didn’t question, didn’t intervene because they knew. They knew that was my moment. I realized I wasn’t just a presence at that table. I was me, and I had finally arrived.